God

My fortune today read that I will be a guest to a royal host soon. Prior to this a random woman had stopped me in a massive crowd to ask me about my beliefs in God and His word. I am at a loss for the events that unfolded today, but my mind is like a roaring storm. I often find myself sitting alone contemplating my next move in life and whether it is going to be good enough in the eyes of those watching me.

I weigh my actions heavily on the acceptance of others. I’m tired.They say I’m so strong, but I’m weak. I crumble, I cry, and I humble myself. I hide my scars underneath my makeup and tuck away my sorrows in happy images. We all suffer, some more than others, but how do we make it stop. Through self-reassurance? Through the tears we cry? Through the miles we walk? Or through the words of God? I feel like our world is so messed up with people crushing one another for their personal views. No one ever just shuts up and minds their tongues. No one can say a thing without being judged! God is love. God is peace. God is nonjudgemental.

Why are we so quick to say we love God and yet with the same mouth we use to preach His word, we spit shackles to those we’re trying to reach. God said, come as you are, so let them!!! Let His followers come as they are on their terms. And when my time comes to be a guest to a royal host, I’ll tell Him I humbled myself when I was broken and when I was not. I broke away from the venomous words of many, but remained faithful through my quest to you.

On the mend

There isn’t anything in this world to console my broken heart. Like a whimpering puppy alone in the dark, not a single thought presents peace. Whenever the sun bakes into my skin, I can feel the pain of how you left me to feel. My mind can’t wrap around the thought that you just don’t care for me like you once had. My vision is slowly being buried under the tears, drowning in a sea of lonliness. Time is a loose cannon spitting back memories I care not to relive. Desolation is the only comfort, as I know my dream will never come to light. I hope to never see your words or hear your voice again, I look forward to the day you no longer look for me. In that time I hope to find silence and may my heart beat as fiercly as it once had, when you sought me like a hawk chasing down its prey.

It just is, what it is.

I just sit here looking out the window and think, it doesn’t matter what you do, when your heart is with someone it just is. And no matter what, there is nothing you can do about it, at least until someone worthy comes along and rescues you from your torture.

Its funny, the heart is such a crazy thing. The memories just burden your soul because you know exactly what you want, exactly what you need, but its impossible to reach out to it. Nothing in this world breaks the simplest bond, whether its a one way street or not.

I guess what it boils down to is, I’ll sit here and let it eat at me. Our future isn’t paved in stone, and who knows what is out there for us, but for now, I guess I’ll let my thoughts run wild because when I do, its when I am happy. At least the memories and words burned in my thoughts are there to comfort me in the darkness.

Let us

Take my hand, let us run into the open fields. Let us feel the gentle winds against our faces as we wave our hands above the tall blades of grass. The stars will fall above us, we will watch the moon shine upon us.Tree branches will dance around us while fireflies sparkle near.

Take my hand, you lead the way down the brook. Let us listen to the water flow over the rocks. Let us watch our reflections as moonlight pours down upon us. As an owl calls into the night, let us listen to crickets respond. The conversations of the animals surround us. We stay quiet.

Take my hand, pull me near. Look into my eyes and tell me how beautiful you think I am, as you always have. In this night, I look at you with love and admiration. Let us rest in the grass, please hold my hand. Kiss my forehead and tell me you will always be here.

Dream beyond the norm

Inner peace is a beauty, rare among many.

We live our lives in ways of worry, constantly seeking and constantly hoping.

We are dreamers, dreaming more than we should.

Imagine inner peace, how beautiful the thought is, to honestly live worry free, to stop seeking and start enjoying.

That is my dream and as the sun makes way for the moon, I will make my way to inner peace, I will make way for a rare beauty.

Free yourself

Free yourself from the burden of bottling up your emotions.

If you find her beautiful, tell her.

If you love her, tell her.

If you feel lost in her eyes, tell her.

If you want her lips on yours, tell her.

If you want her in your arms, tell her.

If you can’t let her go, tell her.

Stop denying what you feel because others see it as wrong.

Live your love and live your life, live it strong.

Personal Hell

Life isn’t fair and what care should I have

with everything I have given my all and yet I fall.

Farther down the rabbit hole and I feel so small.

This world of mine is so dark and cold, and under this spell I cannot break free.

Tragedy has broken my soul and my wings I cannot lift.

I walk around hunched and torn with no means of reanimating,

I guess karma is truly a bitch.

I reap what I sow and yet I keep planting,

not once did I stop to see if the my ground was worth the struggling.

Only time will tell but for now I live in my own hell,

because no matter how hard I try, inside I still continue to die.